No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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