i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
