Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
