I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
