Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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