I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Enjoy the penises
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
