he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
