this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
