I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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