did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
