it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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