just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Ketchup is God's man juice
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
