i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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