I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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