I think my fart just growled at me.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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