Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
