i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
