I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
