apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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