I cockslap morals
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
