In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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