The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
