From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
