I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
