can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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