You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
