hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
