It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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