I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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