just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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