I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
