Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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