we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
