I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
