peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
