I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
