My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
