Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
