she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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