there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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