I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
