i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
