every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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