I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
