We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Don't tell me you're on acid again
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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