so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
