Only a mothe r could love this liver
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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