he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
