How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
