Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
