so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
