i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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